Positive Education: Parents Acting as a Team Despite Disagreements

As parents, it’s completely normal to disagree with each other from time to time. Even if parents are generally on the same page regarding their children’s education, it’s almost impossible that they agree on everything. That’s perfectly normal, it’s part of parenthood.

The Importance of Good Communication for Positive Parenting

Despite the disagreements that can arise within a couple or between two parents, good communication is crucial to find common ground and strengthen the parental alliance. To be a team that pulls in the same direction and prioritizes positive education and caring relationships, parents must be able to discuss the topics on which they have different opinions. That’s how they’ll become a strong team who puts the kids’ well-being first.

How to Apply Positive Education

If you want to use positive education, the goal is trying to teach, in a caring way, the behaviours you want your child to adopt, instead of punishing the behaviours deemed unacceptable. This way, parents try to guide their children as best as they can, by showing them what they expect of them and by using logical and natural consequences as an educational method, rather than punishments.

However, positive education isn’t the same as laxity! Guiding and teaching little ones to adopt appropriate behaviour and become responsible can’t be achieved without exercising constant and coherent supervision as well as setting clear rules. It’s better if parents act as a team, so their children know exactly what to expect when being disciplined by either of them.

What Situations Can Be a Source of Disagreement for Parents?

Parents face all kinds of situations which can lead to disagreements, such as:

• The birth of a first child;
• The arrival of a new child in the family;
• Separation;

Plus, as children grow up, the co-parenting relationship evolves too. Parents must frequently adjust and redefine their views on many aspects of their children’s education so they can correctly impart their values. Of course, this exercise can potentially create new disagreements.

How Parents Can Be a Stronger Team and Reach an Agreement About Education Without Fighting

Here are 5 tips to come to an agreement without animosity and establish a harmonious parental authority:

1. Talk with your partner or the other parent about the things you disagree on regarding your children’s education.

It’s important to take the time to have a discussion and state your opinions so you can reach an agreement that’s in the interest of your children.

2. Don’t settle your differences in front of your children.

It’s crucial not to have this kind of discussion in front of your children. Go to another room or talk when the kids are asleep, for example, so you can discuss your disagreements and find common ground.

3. Let your partner discipline your child without interfering, even if you disagree with how they do it.

By interfering, you’re telling your little one that their parents don’t work as a team and don’t really trust each other.

4. Try to be constant and coherent in how you act. Don’t contradict each other in front of your kids.

When parents contradict each other in front of their children, the latter will simply test their parents’ limits even more as they’ll be unsure what rules to follow.

5. Interfere when you disagree with how your partner is disciplining your child only if they go too far or are aggressive (verbally or physically) towards your little one.

When children feel like they’re being treated unfairly, they need to feel supported by the other adult to limit the negative impacts on the relationship of trust developed with their parents. They must not believe this type of behaviour is condoned by adults.

In the end, it’s important to remember to be forgiving and accept that it’s completely normal and healthy for two parents not to always see eye to eye. Take the time to communicate and talk about what you disagree on so you can find together the best way to ensure everyone’s well-being.

You have a child between 0 and 5 years old? You want more tools and more personalized support in psychoeducation from a team who focuses on positive education and benevolence?

Kaleido clients have access to the services offered by psychoeducator, author and speaker Mélanie Bilodeau and her team as part of the accompanying services included with your RESP*. Our partner can offer you the support you need as a parent and help you overcome the challenges you face with your little ones.